Heart Journey

So much of life is dictated by circumstances such as jobs, family, finances, etc. Is there really any 'perfect' time to do anything? We tell ourselves that after x, y and z need to be accomplished and only then can we contemplate doing that thing we've longed to do. "After I've saved enough money then I can think about traveling or we'll start trying for kids when were more stable in our careers." Yes, there are certain essentials in life that we are responsible for but the reality is that many, including myself, put off doing something until the situation seems 'right'. What I've learned is that life is completely and utterly uncertain. The path you thought you were going to take can take an abrupt and unforeseen twist and turn. This certainly keeps us on our toes, reminding us that as logical and organized we planned our life we aren't always in charge of how things work out. I hope that if there is something you've been holding off on such as a new career, making amends, finding love, traveling, discovering faith, etc. that you don't put it off any longer. Make a list of what you want in life and do it!   Ask yourself, "will this matter to me in 5-10 years?" This has helped me in recognizing what is worthy of my energy.

And so I've decided to take an adventure of a life time after years of putting it off. More details to come but I'm excited yet a bit overwhelmed which is thrilling and expected. I am blessed to have the opportunity to travel and help others!

Miracles in the Mess

I have missed this blog and certainly owe all who wrote me while I was away a HUGE hug of gratitude. I apologize it's taken me this long to explain, I do realize that I went missing for way too long. The plain and simple truth is that life happened. The past year has been a test of my faith with an abundance of challenges. In order to preserve my sanity, I needed to scale back on life's extras to simplify what felt like chaos. I won't get into all the details but will tell you it has been a bumpy road and unfortunately, doesn't appear to be getting smoother any time soon.

What's different now however, is that my strength continues to grow and I've found the ability to walk through life even when it seems to be crumbling upon me. Although difficult to see, through the chaos there is often a beautiful mess.  My greatest fears can be conquered and moments of despair can be overcome with unimaginable power that comes from a power greater than myself.

I recently read the book, 'You'll Get Through This', by Max Lucado which I highly recommend. I carry this message with me:

You'll get through this.

It won't be painless.

It won't be quick.

But God will use this mess for good.

Don't be foolish or naïve.

But don't despair either.

With God's help, you'll get through this.

We are never alone, everything happens for a reason and in the end the sad will make sense.

Grief Journey

I am blessed to have this outlet to share life's celebrations and hardships. Sometimes, I am better at expressing myself with written words(besides I can't get through a damn discussion without crying lately!) My topic today is grieving; as we get older, it's inevitable that we will experience loss and grief in some capacity, our loved one's pass away and those loses can be heart wrenching. A pain that can only truly be felt by those who have gone through it.

We have discovered that my Mom's cancer is incurable and the trial she had been accepted into unfortunately did nothing to decrease the size of her tumors. So, now we are faced with a very difficult time where we are both deeply saddened and worried about the future. Not worried about the future of my Mom as she is a woman of amazing faith and will be well taken care of and reunited with loved ones in God's Home. I am instead worried about things like holiday's without her presence or the birth of my children without her there to be the wonderful Grandma I've always known she would be. The thought of a life without her being present is like living with half a heart. It's too hard to imagine and the thought of it brings me to tears. For my own sanity and to be able to function with my work and life, it's crucial that I stay in the present time. I want to enjoy the precious time we have left and cherish our memories. The last thing I want is to have regrets of worrying and being so grief stricken that I'm not able to cherish the time we have together.

My mom is in pain and this has been a 6 year battle with endless chemotherapy, radiation, poking, prodding and surgeries and to see her in pain breaks my heart. I wish so much I could take that pain away so that she doesn't have to suffer. This pain and difficult journey has made me feel more at peace with the thought that she will be Heaven and be pain-free watching over us and being taken care of.

If you are currently grieving please reach out to me as support is crucial. For those who aren't PLEASE ensure that you let your loved one's know each and everyday that you love them. If you haven't forgiven, forgive. For every memory you create cherish it with your whole heart.

* This is an update that my mother was called to heavens gates on May 3rd. I miss her deeply and here is a link to her obituary. I am grieving deeply and I miss her every minute of the day but I have peace in knowing she was a woman of great faith and is being reunited with family members and friends that have passed and is pain free. My heart will always cherish the memories of her as she was my best friend but I do know that she would want nothing more than me to thrive and be happy in my life here on earth. I am not great but I am getting better everyday and with time, I will be able to wrap my head around her death and know that this was her path all along.

Oceans

I really love this song. It's called, Where Feet May Fail, from the Zion Acoustic Sessions. If you haven't yet listened to all of the acoustic concert which is approximately 2 hours, it is amazing! To watch so many artists in one room singing and worshiping is just awesome. There is so much talent out there and its really a pity that we only get to witness a small portion of it. Hope you enjoy the message and beautiful song as much as I do!

“Dedicate yourself to Love. Decide to let Love be your intention, your purpose, and your point. And then let Love inspire you, support you and guide you in every other dedication you make there." – Robert Holden

This quote wrote by Dr. Holden perfectly summarizes my life's mission and what I want my legacy to be.

Power of Prayer

Wow, she is so pretty!

Goodness, it seems as if my posts these days are all about heavy life topics. Not my normal mix of  fashion or foods that I adore! Don't worry though, I'll get there but for this moment in time, these topics only seems appropriate. From what I'm hearing from all of you is that I'm not alone. We are in this crazy beautiful life together. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you for your support through messages, You are all so wise, funny and definitely know how to brighten a gals day! Isn't it amazing how the power of love and support can make you feel so comforted even if we are scattered around the world? To the couple readers I have in Russia, I hope you are having a blast with the Olympics there!

As many of you may know, my Mom has been battling breast cancer for over 6 years now. She's been through countless surgeries, a double mastectomy, endless radiation, chemotherapies and nearly any and every medication available to help her fight. If ever I have seen someone as a true warrior, it is her. She fights cancer as if she's an Olympian athlete, taking care of her body and has more energy and love for life than anyone I know; both sick or healthy. In all honesty she often puts me to shame with her stamina and energy levels, staying up late at night, happy as a clam and overall a true inspiration.

There are people in life that are just naturally special to you and it's not just because your related, it's because they exude a personality trait that you admire and strive to have. My mother is the most special person I will ever meet. She has a contagiously positive and loving personality that puts 100% into anything and everything she does. I don't really think anything less than 100% is in her genetic makeup. When given a simple task or a project she has in mind, it's done beyond anyone's imagination. In fact, in my humble opinion I think she is a better version of Martha Stewart! (take that!) Just a quick example of her kindness is when I had a VERY small and simple procedure a few months back and she showed up at my doorstep with dinner. This meal was after finding out about new editions of tumors that had surrounded her body.  She didn't want to mention it to have me worry until she felt I was better and she had gathered more information from the doctors.

The previous post I wrote about surrounding yourself with only the best couldn't be more true for her, she has always had this special ability to make friends that become family. Friends that love her so dearly, and look up to her so much that they have committed to praying for her every morning at 7am.

Life is beautiful but it sure has it's bumps along the way. I know I am not the only one to deal with someone they love being sick but perhaps now, I truly understand the heartache. All you want is for it all to be over, for them to be pain-free, healthy and back to normal. It can be defeating at times when you feel that all of your endless prayers become unanswered and the battle only lingers on. Then again,  who am I to feel defeated? To pretend I am God, knowing the future and getting upset with Him. I know better than to hold bitterness or resentment even if at times it can be a tough journey, it's a journey that is not in our hands.

The one story that will forever be engraved in my heart and mind is when my Mom shared with me an encounter she had with a friend at the grocery store. Her friend has also been dealing with cancer and they were in a conversation about how they both were doing. Her friend said, "Don't you just sometimes ask WHY God??? WHY me?, WHY do I have to go through this all??" and my mom simply replied, "No, I don't." My mom's faith is so strong that she has never asked God why. I was literally awestruck when she told me this story. I know myself I have asked many times why, I have been angry, resentful and at times have questioned my faith. Her faith however, is so strong that she knows that she exactly where she is supposed to be and she has surrendered her path to Him. Wow, this is just another example of amazing lessons she has taught me.

What an inspiration, I am ever so lucky to have a wonderful faithful woman in my life that I get to call my mother. I am blessed and will cherish every second I spend with her, every lesson she has taught and continues to teach me. She is beautiful, she is strong and she is simply lovely.

Thank you for your continued prayers. I will pray for all of you as well. There is so much power in prayer and so much beauty in this world. Please know that you are never alone. That when you don't feel comforted, you are. For when you feel like letting go, don't. For God has a plan for you that surpasses your expectations. Put your faith in Him and know that I am always here for you.

P.S.- The power of prayer is real. My mom was accepted into a trial chemotherapy that has never been done on humans. She had her first treatment today and just texted me that she is tired but doing well!

Approaching Love Day Already?

It seems that the moment I walked into stores after Christmas I was bombarded with Valentine's day shenanigans. In all honesty, I have a love/hate relationship with this day. I love it for the fact that it's  dedicated to expressing your love to those who mean the most in your life but also find it silly because of all the chocolates, teddy bears and nonsense that people feel they "need" to purchase in order to show that love.
Go ahead and nix the purchasing of all the typical Valentines hoopla and do something that's meaningful together, creating a memory. Here are a couple ideas that I came up with that I think both men and women would appreciate more than box of chocolates.

For you creative ones:
1. Gather some of his/her favorite things. Think: candy, gift card (Starbucks, Frozen Yogurt) reservations to your favorite dinner place, etc. A framed picture of the two of you, and maybe something fun you can do together such as a concert, tickets to a sporting event, cooking class, etc.

2. For those who love cooking together. Put together a basket of all the ingredients for your favorite recipe. Spend that evening in without the crowds creating a yummy dinner with vino and perhaps a movie to watch.



 

3. Purchase a frame, fabric, glue, a dry erase market, and permanent sharpie. Simply glue the fabric to the inside of the frame and using the permanent sharpie write on the outside:" I love you because..." and with a dry erase marker your able to write messages everyday:) 



 

4. Purchase your initials at any craft store. I know Joann Fabrics has them in many different sizes and are very affordable. For this project, you'll need pictures, glue, and Mod Podge. Click Here for a more detailed instructions on how to accomplish this gift.

 

 

For those who aren't as creative:

5.  I know, I know !! Were in a major drought but this heart shaped  umbrella is adorable and I'm sure will be needed in the future. Plus it makes an adorable prop for pictures together (if you care about that sort of things, haha). Find it here. Only $27 plus free shipping!

Tom Joules Wellies (rain boots) are my favorite rain boots. They are comfortable, cute and unlike the million hunter boots you see around are unique. They are made in the UK but ship internationally. You can find them here.

Fashionable jewelry from Baublebar.

 

 I also LOVE the love letter necklace. Found here.

 

 

 6. Personalized wallet with a cute (cheesy) saying like, "No amount of money could be traded for the lifetime I have planned with you."

This wallet is definitely for the minimalist but is nice because it's slim. You can find this wallet on Etsy by clicking here.

This wallet is perfect for guys who like the money clip,on the side. You can find this by clicking here .

Hope you have a fun Valentine's Day full of wonderful memories and remember it's not about the 'things' but rather the time you spend with your loved one(s).

 

"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."- Albert Camus







Mankind

I'm sitting in Starbucks as trying to think of some inspiration on what to write about. I don't always have a topic to write about but somehow a random thought sparks and I run with it. As I'm sitting here with my laptop drinking my coffee and eating an unhealthy pastry, I see a man just outside the window directly in front of me. He's frail and tired, he is weathered wearing torn up clothing and It's as if he couldn't take one more step before slouching over the trashcan. After a couple minutes of him spitting up, I ran out with a glass of water and offered to purchase him some food. He refused.

I walked back into Starbucks and witnessed dozens of people walk right by him looking with a mix of concern with even more disgust. Not one person had enough decency to ask if they could help or how he was doing. Really? This deeply saddens me. Do we feel we are above those who suffer with addiction or homelessness? It's not like the first time they took that first sip of alcohol, snorted cocaine or shot up heroine they thought to themselves, "this is going to ruin my life, I'm most likely going to end up homeless, eventually lose touch with all my family and when I decide I'm done with this lifestyle I will be so far gone with this addiction that I will deal with such severe withdrawals that I will most likely die of a grand Mal seizure." I'm surely not a saint, and most certainly I have passed those in need for fear and ignorance. All I ask is that we as a community of loving people start to look at those with mental illness, physical limitations and addictions in a different light. They are people just as we are they have just been dealt a different set of cards in life. They have feelings, they are suffering and they need love just as all humans need.

"There is a lot that happens around the world we cannot control. We cannot stop earthquakes, we cannot prevent droughts, and we cannot prevent all conflict, but when we know where the hungry, the homeless and the sick exist, then we can help."
Jan Schakowsky

Such an awesome picture!