wow!! To say that I'm happy is quite the understatement. Upon browsing around last night, I stumbled upon the blog I created awhile ago that I thought was forever deleted. I recall the logged on to write, as I did everynight to discover it was deleted. I called and researched how to retrieve my writings but everyone told me it was impossible. I mourned the loss of all my writings blog I loved, my outlet from a long days work to type my thoughts and tap into creativity, fashion, and whatever the hell I wanted to.

I took this deletion as a time to "sign off."

So, I've made a conscious decision to simplify life and to disconnect from social media besides the couple sporadic insta pics I've posted over the past year. One reason being that I think social media, although a great way to reconnect, can be a bit of a fantasy facade of life that often distracts others from living in the present.

It's human nature to want to share beautiful pictures, to share important life moments, and to express view points to others. For me personally, I've found life without social media more peaceful and in the present. I can capture more beautifully the memories I hold with my own eyes and heart than behind a lens with the hope to share it with others. This has been one of the healthy decisions I've made this past year that has led to a healthier and happier me.

I don't know what's going on in peoples lives from high school, acquaintances from college, and coworkers but instead I focus on on the people I have a personal connection to, the ones that I stay in constant contact with, and who I consider and cherish as true friends. This is what I care about now.

Heart Journey

So much of life is dictated by circumstances such as jobs, family, finances, etc. Is there really any 'perfect' time to do anything? We tell ourselves that after x, y and z need to be accomplished and only then can we contemplate doing that thing we've longed to do. "After I've saved enough money then I can think about traveling or we'll start trying for kids when were more stable in our careers." Yes, there are certain essentials in life that we are responsible for but the reality is that many, including myself, put off doing something until the situation seems 'right'. What I've learned is that life is completely and utterly uncertain. The path you thought you were going to take can take an abrupt and unforeseen twist and turn. This certainly keeps us on our toes, reminding us that as logical and organized we planned our life we aren't always in charge of how things work out. I hope that if there is something you've been holding off on such as a new career, making amends, finding love, traveling, discovering faith, etc. that you don't put it off any longer. Make a list of what you want in life and do it!   Ask yourself, "will this matter to me in 5-10 years?" This has helped me in recognizing what is worthy of my energy.

And so I've decided to take an adventure of a life time after years of putting it off. More details to come but I'm excited yet a bit overwhelmed which is thrilling and expected. I am blessed to have the opportunity to travel and help others!

Say Cheese

Photography is my new favorite obsession. Umm...let me clarify - I'm not a photographer, unless you consider unfocused pics with the wrong settings photography, then I'm practically amazing. I love to collect happy photos for an instant smile! Here are some pics that I currently have on my desktop that I try to add and swap out regularly. Hope you can find these as awesome as I do.

 

 I just smiled again going through these

Missing You

Today marks 6 months since I lost my beautiful mother, my best friend. While I have made progress in accepting her death, there isn't a day that I don't long to be with her. There is an emptiness in my life and days where it's difficult to fathom she's no longer here on earth. I miss her love and friendship, our daily conversations, her humor and laughter, her spontaneity and willingness to do just about anything to have some fun, her listening ear with great advice, and her overall presence.

The holiday's will be difficult without her but I am at peace in knowing she isn't suffering. I feel her watching down on me and know she will continue to be with me until we meet in Heaven. Missing you.

 

Modern Mod

Fall 2014 is all about bringing back the 60's mod era. This style is characterized by androgynously dressed women with short pixie cuts, pale foundation, brown eye shadow, false eye lashes and pale pink lipstick. Miniskirts and dresses became shorter and were made famously fashionable by models such as Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton.

Here's a look at the up-to-date 2014 version of the 60's-inspired mod look.

Miracles in the Mess

I have missed this blog and certainly owe all who wrote me while I was away a HUGE hug of gratitude. I apologize it's taken me this long to explain, I do realize that I went missing for way too long. The plain and simple truth is that life happened. The past year has been a test of my faith with an abundance of challenges. In order to preserve my sanity, I needed to scale back on life's extras to simplify what felt like chaos. I won't get into all the details but will tell you it has been a bumpy road and unfortunately, doesn't appear to be getting smoother any time soon.

What's different now however, is that my strength continues to grow and I've found the ability to walk through life even when it seems to be crumbling upon me. Although difficult to see, through the chaos there is often a beautiful mess.  My greatest fears can be conquered and moments of despair can be overcome with unimaginable power that comes from a power greater than myself.

I recently read the book, 'You'll Get Through This', by Max Lucado which I highly recommend. I carry this message with me:

You'll get through this.

It won't be painless.

It won't be quick.

But God will use this mess for good.

Don't be foolish or naïve.

But don't despair either.

With God's help, you'll get through this.

We are never alone, everything happens for a reason and in the end the sad will make sense.

Treat Yourself

Let's face it, life can be tough at times and for those who have a tendency to put other's before themselves (which is an awesome trait) you are not only zapped of energy but left on the backburner. You cant expect to be there for others completely if you aren't there for yourself so, as I like to say "treat yourself." Make sure to find a good balance between your kindness and love for others and the love you have for yourself.

How do you decompress from life's stressors?
Here are some fun way you can treat yourself or someone whose going through a tough time:

1. Customized Pamper Kits in Mason Jars

Personalized for the person based on scents

And don't forget men have bad day's too!

2. Favorite Foods in a Paint Bucket
Gather favorite local snacks or a hand picked dinner for 2 (pasta, pasta sauce, brownies, etc.)

For the BBQ lover this would be a fun unexpected gift of rubs and infused salts

3. An individualized "sunshine" box

Power Patterns

This summer, it's all about quirky pattern plays. At NYFW 2014 the runways made it clear that the warmer weather is calling for neon mixes, tribal patterns, geometric mirroring, checkerboard and floral mixes. It's fun, interesting and a bit daring. It's a trend that may take you outside your fashion comfort zone but I'm in love with it! Throw your need to match colors to the wind because this style requires you to mix and match different patterns that may not make all that much sense but when put together in an outfit looks fashion forward and bold!

Grief Journey

I am blessed to have this outlet to share life's celebrations and hardships. Sometimes, I am better at expressing myself with written words(besides I can't get through a damn discussion without crying lately!) My topic today is grieving; as we get older, it's inevitable that we will experience loss and grief in some capacity, our loved one's pass away and those loses can be heart wrenching. A pain that can only truly be felt by those who have gone through it.

We have discovered that my Mom's cancer is incurable and the trial she had been accepted into unfortunately did nothing to decrease the size of her tumors. So, now we are faced with a very difficult time where we are both deeply saddened and worried about the future. Not worried about the future of my Mom as she is a woman of amazing faith and will be well taken care of and reunited with loved ones in God's Home. I am instead worried about things like holiday's without her presence or the birth of my children without her there to be the wonderful Grandma I've always known she would be. The thought of a life without her being present is like living with half a heart. It's too hard to imagine and the thought of it brings me to tears. For my own sanity and to be able to function with my work and life, it's crucial that I stay in the present time. I want to enjoy the precious time we have left and cherish our memories. The last thing I want is to have regrets of worrying and being so grief stricken that I'm not able to cherish the time we have together.

My mom is in pain and this has been a 6 year battle with endless chemotherapy, radiation, poking, prodding and surgeries and to see her in pain breaks my heart. I wish so much I could take that pain away so that she doesn't have to suffer. This pain and difficult journey has made me feel more at peace with the thought that she will be Heaven and be pain-free watching over us and being taken care of.

If you are currently grieving please reach out to me as support is crucial. For those who aren't PLEASE ensure that you let your loved one's know each and everyday that you love them. If you haven't forgiven, forgive. For every memory you create cherish it with your whole heart.

* This is an update that my mother was called to heavens gates on May 3rd. I miss her deeply and here is a link to her obituary. I am grieving deeply and I miss her every minute of the day but I have peace in knowing she was a woman of great faith and is being reunited with family members and friends that have passed and is pain free. My heart will always cherish the memories of her as she was my best friend but I do know that she would want nothing more than me to thrive and be happy in my life here on earth. I am not great but I am getting better everyday and with time, I will be able to wrap my head around her death and know that this was her path all along.